moving in fear – Video blog

March 23, 2009

Cheers barnaby’s video response:

My suggested soundtrack:

Turn that noise down – Chas ‘n’ Dave
Shit song – Kate Nash
Beautiful noise – Neil Diamond

Leave a Comment » | Help, boyfriend, moving in, sounds, taps, thin walls, toilet, water | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby

for real?

January 6, 2009

Barnaby,

I don’t like my best friend’s new boyfriend. He’s self-absorbed and just really annoying to look at. And what’s worse is he thinks he’s so fucking special, God’s gift to mankind. He’s an actor so you know the type, right? Every time I try and start conversation with him I suddenly feel like he’s doing a live TV interview. He gets all clever and animated, but in way where you can just tell he’s looking in at himself thinking how great he is. It all seems so fake to me. Anyway, I love my best friend, but I don’t know if I’m really allowed to say much. What do you think?

Thanks,
Kim

Hey Kim,

Wow. You really don’t like this guy. This is a toughie because your friend will say “what do you think, honestly?” but what she’ll actually mean is “tell me you like him nearly but not quite as much as I do”. And worse still – you won’t be able to hide your disappointment in her choice.

So, I guess the only thing to do is… kill him. He sounds like a fuckwit.

Hold on – no you can’t do that. Although my personal opinion is that all actors and actresses should be rounded into a large, high electric-fenced sheep-pen and nailed with ak-47s until they finally stop quoting Chekhov.

But if that isn’t an option, and legally its not (note cheersbarnaby disclaimer there) then you really should be honest with her. If you’re not and he breaks her heart – it’ll be too late to say “I hated him from the start”.

Cheers,

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Dedicated follower of fashion – The Kinks
I think I smell a rat – The white stripes
Ballad of a thin man – Bob Dylan

Leave a Comment » | actors, boyfriend, death, kill, shooting, what? best friend | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby

pressure

November 30, 2008

dear barnaby,

This is kind of a weird question, but the other night, my boyfriend of 7 months and I were in bed and he tried to have anal sex with me. I have never done this before. When he tried it, the pressure felt good, but I feel like it’s dirty and also that it might hurt if he really put it in. I want to make him feel good, but I just don’t think I can do this. Mainly because it feels so wrong. Is there something else I can do that guys like just as much?

Thanks,
Ashley

Hey Ashley,

The only way anal sex has even a vague possibility of being enjoyed by both sides is if you are very relaxed with each other, and with the idea of what you are about to try.

Let’s hope and assume that he is interested in having anal sex with you for the right reasons – i.e. he feels relaxed with you, is happy in the relationship and wants to be as intimate with you as possible – exploring the possibility of giving you pleasure that you haven’t felt before. However, if you are not relaxed and open to the possibility that you might love it then it should not be persued.

You seem very sure that anal sex is something that you don’t feel comfortable doing. That is better than being willing to do something you are unsure about just because your boyfriend wants you to. If you went ahead with it on that basis then he would be able to tell you were feeling weird about it and there is no way either of you would find it particularly enjoyable.

In terms of your question at the end of your message – I think the question you should actually be asking is “is there something else I can do that he likes just as much?”. Every guy is different so I couldn’t possibly say what your boyfriend is into. I can only suggest asking him, and if you are too shy then try new things with him and from his body language you’ll be able to tell whether he is enjoying himself or not.

Good luck,

Cheers

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Backdoor Honey – The Deadbeats
Relax – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Back Door Man – The Doors

Leave a Comment » | Help, advice, anal, backdoor, boyfriend, wants, what do I do? | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby

pressure

November 30, 2008

dear barnaby,

This is kind of a weird question, but the other night, my boyfriend of 7 months and I were in bed and he tried to have anal sex with me. I have never done this before. When he tried it, the pressure felt good, but I feel like it’s dirty and also that it might hurt if he really put it in. I want to make him feel good, but I just don’t think I can do this. Mainly because it feels so wrong. Is there something else I can do that guys like just as much?

Thanks,
Ashley

Hey Ashley,

The only way anal sex has even a vague possibility of being enjoyed by both sides is if you are very relaxed with each other, and with the idea of what you are about to try.

Let’s hope and assume that he is interested in having anal sex with you for the right reasons – i.e. he feels relaxed with you, is happy in the relationship and wants to be as intimate with you as possible – exploring the possibility of giving you pleasure that you haven’t felt before. However, if you are not relaxed and open to the possibility that you might love it then it should not be persued.

You seem very sure that anal sex is something that you don’t feel comfortable doing. That is better than being willing to do something you are unsure about just because your boyfriend wants you to. If you went ahead with it on that basis then he would be able to tell you were feeling weird about it and there is no way either of you would find it particularly enjoyable.

In terms of your question at the end of your message – I think the question you should actually be asking is “is there something else I can do that he likes just as much?”. Every guy is different so I couldn’t possibly say what your boyfriend is into. I can only suggest asking him, and if you are too shy then try new things with him and from his body language you’ll be able to tell whether he is enjoying himself or not.

Good luck,

Cheers

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Backdoor Honey – The Deadbeats
Relax – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Back Door Man – The Doors

Leave a Comment » | Help, advice, anal, backdoor, boyfriend, wants, what do I do? | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby

Bumps

October 12, 2008

Dear Barnaby,

I’m 19 years old and I have these bumps on the skin around my pubic hair. I looked on the internet and it doesn’t look like any of the STDs that I saw so far, so I don’t know what it is. I haven’t told my boyfriend yet because I’m afraid he’s going to break up with me, but if I have sex with him, he might get it and I don’t want that to happen either. He’s already wondering why we haven’t been having sex. It’s been 5 days now and I’m supposed to spend this weekend with him and our friends on a camping trip. It’s going to be almost impossible to say no to sex, but I really don’t want him to get this in case it’s contagious. Any advice?

Zoe.

Hey Zoe,

Good to see that you have been researching the internet to see what the cause of these bumps could be. Trust me, many people I speak to with similar issues just prefer to brush these things under the carpet in the hope that they will just go away. I know of at least one guy I spoke to who looked briefly on the internet, ignored the fact that the symptoms he had pointed directly to a likely case of Chlamydia, and bought some thrush cream as the thought of having Chlamydia scared him.

In terms of advice, I would say straight away to go to a GUM clinic. These are walk-in clinics where you will get a consultation and tests for all STI’s (Sexually Transmitted Infections). The doctors at the clinics I have been to are all very nice, very discreet and will deal with your issue with sensitivity. Look up your nearest GUM clinic on the internet, call up and find the best time to go in. Some GUM clinics make appointments but with most you will be given a time where you can go in and wait to be seen.

To give you a little heads up from what you have told me, there is a small possibility that the symptoms you have could mean that you have picked up either Scabies or Herpes. However, the likelihood is that the bumps around your pubic area are just infected hair follicles. These are common, particularly to people who shave their pubic hair with a razor, but also occur to people who don’t shave as well.

In terms of your boyfriend, honesty is definitely the best policy. As you said, you won’t be able to put off sex forever, and the chances are that he is already suspicious of something, and if that is the case then I am sure whatever he is thinking will be far worse than the truth. So, I would say – explain everything to him and tell him that you are going to the GUM clinic so you can get to the bottom of it. You could even suggest that you go together and both get checked at the same time, as then you can both get the all clear and continue to enjoy your sex life without any worries.

I am sure you are anxious about your boyfriend’s reaction when you tell him the truth, but just trust me on one thing; if he is the kind of guy you deserve and who you want to potentially spend the rest of your life with – he will understand and appreciate your honesty. If he flies off the handle and behaves insensitively then you are better off without him.

I hope all of this advice helps,

Cheers

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Let’s talk About Sex – Salt N Pepa
Stay The Fuck Away From Me – Lightspeed Champion
Medication – Queens Of the Stone Age

Leave a Comment » | Std's, Sti's, boyfriend, doctors, medication, sex | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby