Cheersbarnaby

Dearest Barnaby,

My 5 year long relationship with my boyfriend ended 4 months ago. Short version of a long story is that we didn’t have the same future goals (kids, marriage, etc).
Despite our loving each other very much, we made the difficult decision to end things because we essentially didn’t want to fuck up each others lives. We wanted the best for one another. Seems so grown-up and responsible, right?

It’s all for the best I suppose, but I’ve been having a rough time. He is still the love of my life, and I miss him like crazy. In these 4 months, I have been pretty good about not doing the whole “omg i miss you so much” texts, voicemails, etc…(with a few slip-ups on both of our parts), but I still think about him aaaalllll the time. Literally the first and last thoughts before/after sleep are of him.

Here are my questions:

When does it get better?

I miss his friendship. I miss calling him when funny stuff happens. There’s no way we’ll ever have that again, right?

****He just texted me while writing this email. Not lying.*****

I’ve tried ignoring his texts/calls for the sake of moving on, but it’s difficult because I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him anymore. Should I continue to ignore his attempts at communication?

This hurts. Any healing words?

Best,
Broken

Hey Broken,

Well, firstly congratulations on sending in the longest post ever. It’s taken me 24 hours to get through, but now i’m ready. Although I do have cobwebs between my fingers.

Here goes…

Four months is nothing. You’ve not even hit the sides. It’s going to be tough but it’s for the best as you’ve both made a decision not to be together. In terms of “when does it get better?” I’d say more than likely it’ll take a year before you can properly enjoy yourself, but that’s not to say that you’re not going to have fun before that. Just that you’ll still be thinking of him sporadically when you have it.

You may well become good friends with him, but to be honest – if you were going to be the type of friends where you call each other up whenever something great or funny happens you’d still be together. I’m afraid the truth is that you’ll both find someone else to fulfill that role.

My suggestion would be to give yourself some time away from him. No contact. It’s the only way. If you don’t there’s a chance that he’ll meet someone and then break contact with you for her sake. If that happens, you’ll feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach by an angry bear. With big paws. So yes, ignore the communication for your own good. Only get back in touch when you’re ready to be friends with him without thinking of any other things I.E. the past, a future together, what might have been etc.

Healing words: You can now do whatever you want, and the next person you fall in love with will have everything your ex-boyfriend had, and more. Otherwise, you and your ex would still be together. So go out and enjoy yourself, meet people, touch people, kiss them on their open mouths. Have fun, tell stories and be yourself. Oh, and tell your friends about this blog. I’ve heard it’s good.

Cheers,

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

What’s a girl to do? – Bat For Lashes
First day of my life – Bright Eyes
Shiver – Coldplay