Cheersbarnaby

Dear Barnaby,

I just moved to LA from Florida to become an actress. I’m 23 and I work at a clothing store. This cute boy came into the store a few weeks ago and said he was the owner’s son visiting from New York. I was the only girl on the floor so I ended up helping him with the clothes he wanted to try on. We were flirting a lot and by the time he was leaving he asked me if I wanted to hang out that evening. I said yes and gave him my phone number. That night he called me and asked me for my address. I thought he was asking for it so he could pick me up, but instead when he arrived, he just got out of the hired car and had it leave. We ended up not eating at all, but instead, having sex which I felt kind of weird about. Around 2am, I dropped him off at his hotel. I saw him again a few days later when he came in to the store with his father (the owner), but he hardly made any indication of the night we spent together. Yesterday, I found out that I’m pregnant. What should I do?? I’m pretty sure this guy went back to New York by now and I don’t have a phone number for him so the only way I could try and reach him would be through the store. I don’t have any friends here. I feel so confused! and alone! Should I try and get in touch with the boy from the store? Should I move back to Florida and tell my family??

Hayley

Hey Hayley,

This is quite a state you’re in. But try not to stress or worry too much, as that will do you no good and won’t help at a time when you need to think as straight as is possible. First things first – what does your instinct tell you? I would say the most important question to answer is whether you want to, or plan to, keep the baby? Once you have made that decision then immediately the other questions will become easier to deal with.

Your instinct is very important, as this is your life, your body and your future. However, I would suggest that you do not act on instinct alone. This is what family are here for. Firstly, I would suggest calling your family and speaking with whomever you feel closest to. Tell the truth, leave nothing out and see what is said. The love of family is all encompassing, and in times of need any anger or disappointment is far outweighed by worry and the urge to help. I don’t know your family, but I imagine they will look to come and see you and wrap their arms around you as soon as possible.

In terms of the boy, my opinion is that he has a right to know what is going on, as he is just as responsible for this baby as you are. I know that seems obvious, but I hear from many young women who out of fear, anger or spite choose not to let the father of their child know anything before they go ahead with a termination. In some cases I have even heard of women who have then used that knowledge to hurt the man in question post-abortion. This kind of behaviour is wrong on many levels, and although it may bring some short-term revenge, it only goes on to haunt people’s conscience for years to come.

You have not given me any idea what you are thinking in terms of whether you want to keep your baby or not, but my thoughts on what you have told me are that you should surround yourself with loved ones, listen to the opinion of people you trust, take that on board along with your natural instincts and make your decisions based on a combination of those factors.

I hope this helps, and like I said – don’t worry too much, things could be much worse and I am sure that whatever decisions you do make will be the right ones for you.

Cheers

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Babies – Pulp
Brick – Ben Folds Five
Papa Don’t Preach – Madonna