barnaby,

A man asked me out on a train today, which was nice, except for two things; he had a really spittery stutter…

what shall I do? I don’t think I can see past it…

b.

Hey b,

You can’t see past it because there’s so much saliva in your eyes from your first meeting.

You can’t go out with him, not unless someone invents iris windscreen wipers. Come to think of it, I’d better get down the patent office for that one.

Cheers,

barnaby.

My suggested soundtrack:

Why does it always rain on me – Travis
Umbrella – Rhianna
November Rain – Guns N Roses