October 23, 2008
Hi Barnaby,
I was out drinking with my best friend, we had a good time but in the cab home we started having an argument. Believe it or not, the row was about conspiracy theories. Ridiculous I know. Things quickly escalated and he ended up punching me in the face as he got out of the taxi. This was over a week ago now and we haven’t spoken since. Frankly, I want to beat the crap out of him. Should I?
Ben
Hey Ben,
To be honest, I would want to at least hit him so things are equal, but I’m actually going to suggest a compromise that could see you come out as the bigger man, make you feel better about it AND keep your friendship in tact. Here goes: make the first move and call him up, but act like NOTHING has happened. Invite him round or arrange to meet him somewhere. Once you have met up, he’ll soon bring up that infamous night, and may even take the chance to apologise.
Then all you need to do is act like you have absolutely no recollection of the incident whatsoever, thereby making your friend feel like less of a man as a result of his inability to scar you physically or emotionally. The gratification you get from his disappointment should far outweigh any you would get from punching him. Plus you won’t go to jail this way. Nice.
Cheers,
barnaby
My Suggested Soundtrack:
Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor
Fight For Your Right To Party – The Beastie Boys
Break Me gently – Doves
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Posted by cheersbarnaby
October 18, 2008
Barnaby,
My girlfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. Our sex life has always been really good, but more recently it seems to have dropped off a bit and I’m not sure why. To be honest, I’m lucky if she even wants to sleep with me once a fortnight these days. Sorry to be so crude, but is there anything you can suggest so I can get more sex?
Neil
Hey Neil,
No need to apologise. Although you haven’t given me much to work on in terms of her behaviour and any possible reasoning towards why her libido has dropped off.
Anyway, I am going to suggest something that is in no relationship or sex manual, but it has worked for me in the past. Some people might not like the ethics involved but hey, who gives a shit?
So, here goes; this may sound a bit weird on first reading, but pick a fight with your girlfriend on purpose. That’s right, start an argument. It doesn’t really matter what it is about as long as it’s not sex-related. That would be severely counter-productive. Once you have picked the fight, stick to your guns and be as stubborn as possible. Show strength. Only once you have wound each other up to almost snapping point should you begin phase 2 of the plan.
Phase 2 involves sowing the seeds for compromise with the argument, then once said compromise has been reached; surprise her by picking her up and giving her the best make-up sex she has ever had.
Hopefully this will leave her remembering what she’s been missing out on and you can have sex more frequently. Good luck.
Cheers,
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack:
For Lovers – Pete Doherty & Wolfman
Wicked Game – Chris Isaak
It’s Different For Girls – Joe Jackson
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Posted by cheersbarnaby
