Cheersbarnaby

Dear Barnaby,

I was at a party recently and a friend of mine got all sad (in a bit of a drunken state), and said, “I’m not being funny, but I’m not that bad you know? I think I’d consider myself a pretty good catch! So why is it that guys are quite happy to fuck me, but nobody WANTS me. Nobody wants me to be their girl!”

Now… as cringe worthy as these comments may sound, I actually felt that I could relate to my inebriated friend. I’ve been single for quite a while and quite frankly I’m beginning to think I’m doing something wrong.

So I ask you this Barnaby… What make good girlfriend material?

Thanks,

Cringing x

Hey Cringing,

Ok. I’m going to answer this one straight.

Your friend is giving off an enormous whiff of desperation. The whiff of desperation is in all of us when things aren’t going our own way. It becomes difficult, we become needy and start grabbing at things that we wouldn’t usually go for. Nobody wants her to be their girl because she’s fucking them and then getting clingy. She isn’t giving off any air of mystery. She isn’t making the boy think “I’m going to have to put some work in here, I’m going to be the one to snare her where all the others have failed”.

So in answer to your question “what makes good girlfriend material?”…here goes…

Most boys are ego-led. We are. I definitely am. Although i’m pretty sure i’m following it because it is situated on the tip of my (insert preferred terminology here).

We boys want our friends to think our girl is too hot for us. We want those friends to wonder how we managed to get this girl. And we want to chase. We also want the girl to tick all the boxes we individually love. But, when things become too easy we get bored and look to chase elsewhere. If you think the boys you and your friend fall for aren’t like that then one of the two following things is occurring…

1) Those boys have perfected their ‘sensitive, different, but-at-times still rough and manly’ persona

2) The boys you fall for are all virgins (And we know that isn’t the case).

There is at least one person for all of us. Tell your friend to stop banging on about how difficult things are and to show a bit of class. On second thoughts, maybe don’t put it exactly like that. Just go out, have fun and do whatever. But if there’s someone you REALLY like, make it hard for them. Make them work for it. And then if it still doesn’t happen – at least you know its not because of anything other than basic human chemistry.

Cheers,

barnaby.

My suggested soundtrack:

Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
The Art Teacher – Rufus Wanwright
Do you love me? – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds