Barnaby,
I recently read that if you become HIV positive you could live for up to 45 years before it develops into full aids. I’m not sure if they meant bad aids, or even what bad aids is, but as a 27 year old does this mean I may as well go around sleeping with as many women as possible without worrying about protection? After all, if I live until 72 I’d be quite happy with that as an innings.
Cheers, Ben.
Hey Ben,
I’m sure you realise that I can’t condone unprotected sex here, mainly because it might lessen my chances of getting some myself. However, I feel that reading between the lines of your post points to a serious case of condom phobia – or as I like to call it ‘connyphobe’.
This, Ben, is where you’re not alone. We’ve all suffered at the hands of the awkward-to-open wrappers, the intense eyeballing from the girl as you’re trying to figure out top from bottom and of course the incredibly romantic smell of spermicide as it cascades over your hands.
So what do I suggest? Well – not aids. I guess you should just try and get to grips with your nemesis – the humble condom. Maybe start trying to put them on at the most awkward and uncomfortable times to practice getting it right under pressure. Here are my suggestions – during meetings, on the bus, dinner at your parents’ place and at church. If you can keep it hard there, you’ll never need to worry again.
Cheers,
barnaby.
My suggested soundtrack:
Let’s talk about sex – Salt n Pepa
Streets of Philadelphia – Bruce Springsteen
2 become 1 – Spice girls
Posted by cheersbarnaby 