Dear B,

I have a slight problem (and by slight I mean world shattering). I’m dating
this amazing man. He’s everything I could ever want in life: Gorgeous,
Funny, Smart, Mature, Secure, and every time I look at him or think about
him I get that tingly butterflies feeling all over. I’m totally in love with
him, and he tells me he is with me too. The trouble is, is that I met him
when he was on tour, and I was sneaking backstage….underage.

I’m 16 and go to high school in California. He’s 28 and lives in New York City, thinks I’m 20 and a student at University. It’s been going okay the
past 6 months or so as I’ve been able to go on the road with him and fly out
to see him in New York, but it’s getting more serious and he keeps pushing
to come out and visit me. He’s even talking more serious stuff…like
marriage and things. I know I have to break the news soon…but is there any
way of doing that without losing him?

Please help. I know I need to fess up, but I really don’t want to hurt him,
or lose the greatest man I’ve ever met.

Yours Truly,

Damsel in Distress.

Hey DinD,

Think about it this way. When you tell him your actual age he might really like that. Then you’d be worried. Or maybe not…

Seriously though, I need to get my head across this as in my country you’d be doing nothing wrong legally. You’re from California, so the legal age of consent is 18. Therefore your boyfriend is currently committing a crime, even though he doesn’t know it. (pause for pondering). Hmmm…this is pretty bad news. Although I am less bothered about the legal aspect than the moral aspect. If he’s being honest and does really love you, then it’s unfair as he’s not in love with the ‘real’ you. Just an idea of you.

Yes, you need to “fess up”. And soon. It might be ugly. But I have some comforting words for you… I know a couple who met when she was 14 and he was 25. I don’t know the exact details of what they got up to but what I do know is that they got married on her 16th birthday. They now have 19 kids and its 20 years later. Kind of. But they’re together – that’s all that matters.

Tell him everything. And I mean absolutely everything. And don’t think its a good idea to do it during coitus. Its not. Do it at a good, sober moment on neutral ground. Then give him a chance to go away, calm down and think about it all. Don’t chase him or beg him.

I’m afraid to say there’s a 99% chance you’ll lose him whatever. But for that 1% chance you must take the risk. And if it’s true love (“whatever love means” – quote Prince Charles) then all will be well, eventually.

Good luck.

Cheers,

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Leader of the gang – Gary glitter
Jonathan King – Vile Pervert
Puppy love – Donny Osmond