barnbaby,
I started college at a small liberal arts school, this fall. I came to college without ANY relationship experience. Don’t get me wrong, I have ‘talked’ to guys before, but I have never had a REAL boyfriend. I feel like I am close to perfect girlfriend material. I am NOT clingy, or desperate, I’m good-looking, and I have a fun ‘artsy’ personality. So, when I started college I figured I would find SOMEONE to date.
I ended up crushing on a boy, we had mutual friends and started hanging out. I fell for him really hard. He was who I thought about when I got dressed in the morning; I would think to myself ‘Will Parker be attracted to this outfit?’, “What am I going to say if I see Parker”, and other things like that. The crush was fun and I loved the feeling of seeing him.
I ended up making him a mix-tape, a few weeks after we had officially met. He came over to get the CD and tried staying the night, even though it was clear I would not sleep with him. I wanted him to stay, but my roommate was so uncomfortable that I had to ask him to leave, at 4 am. The next day he texted me and I went up to see him. He’s really flirty so we were ‘cuddling’ when he stated he was ‘ really touchy’ and started to push my boundaries. I hinted to him that I liked him and that I am ‘ really innocent’. I kept pulling away and he kept pulling me back. I liked him a lot so I let him go farther with me than I have with any other guy. I felt horrible after I left, and ended up asking him what was going on between us. He told me that ‘he thought I was looking for something serious, and he wasn’t.’ and ‘we should still stay friends!’. He ended up dating some high school chick, a week later.
It was/is so hard for me to believe this. He was so into me, always smiling, saying ‘hi’, And even holding my hand almost every time we were together, even though it was only a few times. He acted like he was so into me! My friends say it was because I wouldn’t sleep with him/go down on him, but I really don’t know.
Parker ( the guy) and his highschool girlfriend broke up a couple of weeks after they dated. I still like Parker A LOT. My question is, should I try again? or would this guy completely screw me over again? Did he not date me because I would not put out? Or, did he not even like me from the start?
sincerely yours,
Crushin’ First Year
Hey CFY,
Before answering your question, there are a few you should answer yourself. Do you still like Parker because of who he is and how he treats you? Or because he is the first boy you let touch you intimately? Or because he screwed you over, and therefore he appeals to the human reaction we all have of wanting to win something back that we previously lost. In answering those questions you may find your own answers.
From what you’ve written, i’d say this guy probably isn’t for you. If he’d really liked you then he would have been far more sensitive to your needs, especially as you were open with him in terms of how innocent you are. Don’t get me wrong, as men we all have physical instincts that can be hard to keep under wraps, but that is no excuse. He knew how much you liked him, because a gift as thought out as a mix tape is not something he’ll have received often, therefore he also knew how hard it was going to hit you when he announced that he didn’t want anything serious.
I know it’s hard, especially when you first open yourself up to someone and let them in with a chance of liking you back, only for it to not work out. But don’t be disheartened. The key is to meet people, keep opening yourself up and suddenly one day it’ll all become worthwhile when you meet someone exactly on your level who is willing to give and take as much as you are. On that day, all of these kinds of days will seem like what was necessary to bring you to that person.
In the meantime, try and be strong and have lots of fun. Meet people and don’t dwell on the ones that don’t work out, it all happens for a reason.
Cheers,
barnaby
