Barnaby,
I’m a bit confused about the intentions of this guy, let’s call him Steve. The first time I met Steve was at a party. He got my attention because he’s very good looking, but I didn’t really talk to him. I did talk to his best friend and apparently I made quite an impression on him, because the next time I ran into Steve was at a club. I said hi to him and he told me he remembered me from the party and that his best friend was “in love” with me because I knew who Kenneth Anger is. Whatever. A few drinks later, I asked Steve for his number and he got mine as well. On the car ride home Steve texted me and we had a flirty text conversation. I told him i thought he was interesting and attractive and I’d like to get to know him better AKA i wanna hookup, and he basically said the same thing.
Over the next couple days he texted me to tell me how I’m a younger sexy female version of his best friend. He also told me that he (Steve, not the best friend) is a bad guy and that he’s “guaranteed to use, abuse, and drain the life out of me.” He also told me my open mind and sense of adventure will get me in trouble with him. He expressed interest in hanging out, more specifically a sex session in a graveyard. We talked all about our fetishes and stuff and I felt like we had mutual interest in each other. Note also that I never instigated any conversations with him. He told me I should talk to his best friend since we have a lot in common, but he said to do it in a “completely platonic way” which is weird and I don’t want to make friends I just wanted to get laid. This was weeks ago.
He continues to text and IM me, but he never mentions hanging out. I started to get fed up with it, so I said to him “all this talking is really fun and everything, but when are we hanging out?” He told me the graveyard sounded good to him but I never mentioned it after that first time so he didnt know if i was still into it, and that I’m always going out when he talks to me (which is true, but I never tell him that until after I give him a fair chance to try to make plans with me).
He still texts me and IMs me every couple days, but still no mention of plans. We were both at the same party on Friday (he asked me if I was going a few days before, so we both knew we would see each other there) and although we sat out on the porch and talked with his best friend all night, there was no flirting or advances made. Also, he’s currently hooking up with a stripper/webcam girl and he was texting her the whole night and he talked about her job with me for a bit. Ok, I get it that he’s getting laid and whatnot, but why does he keep talking to me if he’s not interested?
Anon
Hey Anon,
This guy is using you for daily ego massages. And the brilliant thing is – he’s told you that’s what he’s doing. He’s basically admitted to you that he just wants to use you and “drain the life out of you” so that honesty gives him free reign to say or write whatever he wants. Chances are, he’s showing his friends all of your correspondence to show what a big man he is. Have you sent him pictures of yourself yet? Probably. My guess is that he has a number of girls like you in his contacts, and then probably one long-suffering girlfriend who he goes back to at the end of the day to cure his acute loneliness. Maybe that’s the webcam girl you mentioned, but probably not.
The reason he keeps talking to you is because he wants as many options as possible. The truth is, you’re somewhere down the list so that when one of the other girls doesn’t come through for him he’ll come to you. He’s keeping you on ice in case that day ever comes. So what does that tell you? Do you have enough self-respect to see how ridiculous it is that you’re putting up with that shit? Or is the truth that the badness that this guy exudes is actually a turn on to you and whenever he calls up for your trip to the cemetry you’ll be there. I suspect so.
He’s told the truth, he’s just a player who wants to have a laugh. If you can accept that, go with it and one day you may get your death-based sex fantasy night. If not, get out of it.
Cheers,
barnaby
