Dear Barnaby,
I have a question regarding long-term relationship, or maybe i should call it, loss of attraction. I’ve been dating guys that are nice and faithful, not the player type. But it seems i always have problems dealing with their loss of attraction after months of dating. It’s a recurring pattern that I’ve been going thru.
At the beginning, they are all sweet and caring and willing to spend time with me and to know more about me. Or if they can’t spend time with me, they would either txt or call, a few times sometimes. But after 3 months, or 6 months, depending on how often we see each other during that period, the frequency of txts/calls/time spent together plummet. All kinds of excuses come up – I’ve got to play tennis; I’ve got to save money for school, I don’t have money to go out with you; been working the whole day, I’m tired; got to play game with friends etc.
Is it me being a needy/clingy bitch by asking ONE txt/ONE call per day to know if he’s alive/what he’s been up to, or it’s the guy who lost the attraction and start acting like a d*ck?
Why do i always have the same level of attraction to my boyfriends as at the beginning of the relationship even after months, while guys are like pre-programmed, automatically, to becoming a dick – not contacting or contacting me a lot less frequently. My current bf used to call me a few times a day, I felt I could call him any time during the day. I could talk about anything with him. But now, sometimeshe won’t contact me for 2-3 days, no txt/call whatsoever. And I will need to think when i call him, i.e. if it’s a good time to call, if it’d make me sound needy when i make a call a day. and when we see each other, i don’t know what to talk about, since it’s been days we haven’t seen each other. There’s so much to tell that I don’t know where to start though. So we end up not talking as intimately as before.
I’m rather perplexed by this recurring scenario. Is it because I haven’t met the right guy, someone who doesn’t have commitement phobia and he will act more consistently for a longer period of time, OR it’s just NATURAL and very NORMAL that guys act like this after couple months of dating thus i should think of something refreshing to do together?
I really hope you could help me give some tips on this issue. For many years, I don’t know if it’s my problem or it’s the guys’ problem.
Much obliged!
Sincerely yours,
Leprechaun Lover
Hey Leprechaun Lover,
He’s bored of you. He may have met someone else. It’s possible. Even if he hasn’t, he’s thinking about it. Believe me. So what do you want to do? Sit and mope or fight for it? Do you REALLY like this guy? Because from what you’ve written I don’t think he really gives a shit about you at this moment in time. He’s got too comfortable and is starting to have his cake and eat it. When you’re really into someone and love them then being in contact with them every day is a pre-requisite. Fact. Even people who commit adultery still get in touch with their spouses every day. Doesn’t make it right but should contextualise how sad it is to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to talk to you on a daily basis.
It’s all a bit harsh but that’s the way it is. I’d recommend getting out of it and waiting for someone who has potential and will make you feel how you want to feel. I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, when boys are faced with losing something that they thought would always be there they panic, flip out and act like begging, whingeing little bitches. So give him the push and you may well see deep into his insecure soul as he spits his dummy out and starts making out that he’s been good to you and was the best boyfriend ever. Then kick him in the testes.
No, don’t do that. But if he starts begging then you’ll have the power back, you’ll see the real him and hopefully you’ll realise that he wasn’t the love of your life anyway. If he doesn’t fight for you then you’ll know that the hard way but it’s for the best.
Trust me – the moment you meet someone who loves you as much as you love him – you’ll want to speak to each other every minute, let alone every day. It just so happens that falling in love that deep doesn’t happen very often. Maybe only once.
Cheers,
barnaby
