Dear Barnaby,
I have recently started to date a rock and roll boy that lives on the other side of the country. I can tell he fancies me and the distance doesn’t bother me, due to the fact that we both travel so often, but- even though he has no idea I feel this way- the thought of all the hussies around does. He seems sincere enough and pays me proper attention-calls often, send nice SMSs and notes in the mail – but I want him to work even harder! I want him to bleed out his eyeballs for me.
Im not really sure I want him to be my boyfriend, but I definitely want him to want me to be his girlfriend, and to think of me all the time, especially if I am not thinking of him, and especially if there’s some dumb hoe around.
How can I get him on his best behavior and remain cool and collected on my end? What is the best way to make the heart grow fonder, when we’re both traveling and being lured by temptation? How can I stop out these road tramps and make him desire only me?
Sorry for all the questions, but I know only you can help!
Sincerely,
Scarlett
Hey Scarlett,
The exhilarating danger of rock n roll is almost as inescapable as the stomach-churning sensation of passionate lust. When the two combine there is only one possible outcome – mystery. Pure, unadulterated, magnificent, confusing mystery that is so hard to fathom, it’s a wonder that anybody gets involved with either rock n roll or love in the first place. However, so many of us do because it is mystery that keeps us on the edge, just where our strange masochistic bodies like to be, right in the middle of the delicately thin line between mindboggling bliss and astonishing pain.
You have many questions, so I will attempt to answer them all in order. Firstly, it seems from what you say that you have found yourself a good’un. I’d say that not many rock n roll boys find time to text loved ones whilst on tour, let alone call and send handwritten notes in the mail. Sounds to me like he may well be falling pretty quickly, and if that is the case; expect some rock ballads coming your way sometime soon, especially if you manage to keep him at arms length whilst being solely yours as seems to be your desire.
The groupies (band-aids) will always be part and parcel of touring and are the scourge of musician’s girlfriends everywhere. Is there anything you can do about them? No. Is he fucking any of them? Possibly. At the very least he has thought about it as it is there for him, it is easy for him, and nobody need ever know. But is that something you can deal with? Do you care that he is sleeping with them even if he is still thinking about you all the time and writing love songs in your name? Yes, you probably do care. However, you say you don’t want to be his girlfriend, which makes things difficult.
If you wanted to be his and his alone then the only way would be for you to get on that tour with him, and be his muse both physically as well as in his soul. But, if that is not an option then I’m afraid you might have to compromise, and realise that even though he is thinking of you all the time, the chances are that when he is drunk, lonely and an opportunity arises with a girl he will never see again; he’ll probably take it with both hands. If that is painful for you, maybe console yourself with the fact that if he is with anyone else, the sex will be drunken and selfish, and he’ll be wishing it was you lying with him and nobody else.
I’m sorry if they are not necessarily the words you want to hear, but you yourself have admitted that you are both being lured by temptation, so it sounds to me like you know exactly what kinds of situation he is in. Boys in bands, male celebrities and ridiculously handsome men are pretty much the only groups of guys who get the kind of attention that most women get every single day, and yet they are still just guys so it is relatively new to them. Therefore it becomes really easy to justify giving in to that temptation. You are probably so used to guys eyeing you up and checking you out that it is just a part of life for you, like buying a loaf of bread or turning on the tv.
So, in conclusion; although it may be hard to get everything you want from this guy, he definitely really likes you and if you were willing to go the extra distance, both figuratively and literally, I think he would jump at the chance. But, seemingly, you don’t want that or maybe your career won’t allow that, so you are going to have to settle for the compromise that he is absolutely thinking about you as a potential girlfriend, but will also have lonely moments where your being thousands of miles away is just not going to be enough for him; especially when he is trying to get over the post-adrenaline buzz low a few hours after a gig.
In terms of what you can do to keep him thinking about you, and make his heart grow fonder – it sounds to me like you are doing a pretty good job of that just how you are. As it stands, this relationship just seems to be a victim of circumstance.
Cheers
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack:
Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana
What Difference Does It make – The Smiths
Rock N Roll Star – Oasis
Posted by cheersbarnaby 
