Dear Barnaby,
My ex-fiancee is coming to town (from the other side of the globe where I
left him), and wants to meet to see if we can be friends. I’m torn because
on the one hand I still want to vomit when I think of him, but on the other
I’m hoping that maybe actually seeing him will take away this person I’ve
built up to be a monster in my head. Essentially I left him for many
reasons, some of which he knows, some of which he doesn’t–like the fact
that he cheated on me multiple times when we were together.
Do I attempt to put my demons behind me or am I just asking for trouble?
Please help,
9 months, 1 love, 13 flings and no tears shed later.
Hey numbers,
Asking for trouble. What’s the best case scenario? Probably that you see him, he tells you he misses you, your ego is boosted until the moment everything comes flooding back and you start shouting at him, releasing all that pent up aggression and ammunition. This may seem like it would feel good, and it would – for about 15 seconds. Then you’ll be alone again and will feel hurt, regret and believe it or not, guilt. You’d feel like you’d sunk to his level and will hate yourself for it.
So, I say keep your back up. Maintain your cool and say “thanks but no thanks”. He doesn’t want to be friends. He wants to check whether you still want him and need him, even if it’s just a tiny bit that he can see in your eyes. The only time you’ll ever be able to be proper friends is when those feelings of yours about how much he hurt you subside and you realise that your relationship happened how it did for a reason. More than likely to help you both grow so you can love someone else in ways you were never able to love each other.
Take heed.
Cheers,
barnaby.
