dispute

May 10, 2009

Dear Mr. Barnaby,

As a recent transplant to both the single world, and London life, I’m having
an unnerving reaction to the dating scene and was wondering if you could
help. Essentially I met someone that’s fantastic, but owns nightclubs and
seems to be a bit of a flirt. We got along incredibly well, have amazing
chemistry, the same interests and I feel confident I could get him into
dating with the right tools. Which is where you come in. Any suggestions?

Your adoringly,

Old Fashioned

Ps. As back-story we’ve been on one date that ended in me waking up at his
but no official coital activities, and a series of texts and seeing each
other out at his club (I’m going to be performing there soon) the following
nights. His texts are short and to the point. Lead on oh wise one….

Hey Old Fashioned,

Don’t go out with guys that own nightclubs. Unless you want to be one of many of his girlfriends.

And to any nightclub owners who dispute this… feel free to write in and complain.

Cheers,

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

On the way to the club – Blur
Club Tropicana – Wham
Let’s Dance – David Bowie

Leave a Comment » | bad boys, clubs, dancing, don't, no., pointless | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby

permission

May 8, 2009

dear barnaby,

i can’t stop having sex. i feel like a pubescent teenage boy. for so long it just wasn’t happening for me. I wanted a boyfriend so bad, and no new men were coming my way. ever since i realized that a relationship is NOT what I want, the men are flocking, and so are the opportunities to have sex. its hot, its almost summer, its LA… and i want some lovin’ bad.

since i love to have sex, i have a really hard time saying no. im always safe about it, and i dont run off into dark corners of bars with strangers and pull up my skirt, but i have become much more permiscuous about it, and am so unemotionally attached that I’m worried I won’t be able to reverse. if i don’t have sex, i masturbate every night. i feel like im one of the boys i used to hate when i was relationship crazed. do you think ill ever be able to settle? HOW do i when i’m having so much fun?

my best friend is worried my reputation is at stake, but im an adult, and a sexual person, and if people dont care for me because i like to have sex then i feel like something is wrong with them and they shouldnt be in my life anyway.

so, what should i do?

a very horny lady

Hey AVHL,

It’s 2009, you’re single, you’re an adult. You should be able to do anything you god damn want. And you can, of course. However, sadly not everyone is as open minded and liberal as you. And because of this, people will frown upon you for being as open sexually (excuse the pun) as you are.

The only bit i’d say is slightly worrying is your inability to say no. You saying that implies that you sometimes sleep with people that you wouldn’t sleep with if you weren’t feeling somehow pressured into it. From what you’ve written i’d say you’re attractive so you have your choice, why not make your choices with people who you’re actually at least a bit into. But either way, as you said – you like sex, so you don’t mind.

My opinion is that you should keep doing what you want, and getting the gratification from it, but maybe not tell everyone all the intimate details. Of course those close to you should love you for who you are and not care about what you get up to, but the worry could come down the line when you do meet someone who you want to get seriously involved with. At that point, take it from me, he won’t want to be hearing about your promiscous past from other people.

And in answer to your question about not being able to settle? You absolutely will, when the time is right and the person is right that’s all you’ll want. And if in 30 years that hasn’t happened I give you full permission to write back in and tell me i’m useless. I’ll even give you your money back.

Cheers,

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Break me gently – doves
I want your sex – George Michael
Friggin’ in the riggin’ – The Sex Pistols

Leave a Comment » | boys, do it, girls, love, nice., promiscuity, sex, why not | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby

pangs

May 4, 2009

Hi Barnaby :)

I was listening to some music on my itunes tonight, and Beirut came on. I cried. It reminds me of some very specific feelings. The ex.

What is your advice about music/songs that remind you of your ex-significant other?

If you’d been with someone for such a long time (5 yrs)- all of your favorite tunes end up reminding you of that person. The daytrip, the makeout session, the sex, etc..
It’s a shit-show!..let me TELL you. I am dealing with the issues of listening to these tunes as a single lady, which is difficult, but can only imagine the problems that may arise when I hear these tunes with my next beau!

How do you separate the emotion from the memory/song??

There’s no way to get a new library of music, so what’s a girl to do? Will I ever have a different association with them, other than the ex-boy??

lovelove,
Dedicated

Hey Dedicated,

You’re right, music is a killer when it comes to trying to forget about your ex. But then… to be honest… if you’re in the mind frame to be reminded of the good times then you’ll manage to find something around every corner to make your heart skip a beat – You’ll see their first name on the credits to a film, you hear someone speak in the same accent on the street, you’ll see their favourite food on the menu of the restaurant you’re eating at. And when something like that happens, something inside of you shouts “It’s fate! We’re meant to be together!”.

And you know what the truth is Dedicated? The truth is that it’s all bollocks. It’s just another way for our body and brain to tell us that we’re not ready yet. We’re not ready for someone new because we’re still mourning our last relationship.

Therefore, when it comes to your question about your new beau… don’t worry about it. Because when you find someone just right, the ex will be the last thing that you’re thinking about as you’ll be too busy making new memories with the new guy, listening to new songs, eating new food together and having even better sex than you had before. And when that happens, there’ll be a moment when you say to yourself “What on earth was I worried about? I’m so much happier than I ever was.”

So, in short – as you’re not ready yet to listen to those old songs without the pangs, just hide them away. Not forever, just for now. Frankly, there are enough tracks in the world for you not to have to listen to your old make out, sex and road trip songs.

Trust me, what you’re going through is just the next stage towards your full and revitalising recovery. It’s going to be great.

Cheers,

barnaby

My suggested soundtrack:

Blur – battery in your leg
Elliott Smith – Sweet Adeline
Ben folds five – Selfless, cold & composed

Leave a Comment » | beaus, exes, food, music, pangs, sex, time, tracks | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby