November 30, 2008
dear barnaby,
This is kind of a weird question, but the other night, my boyfriend of 7 months and I were in bed and he tried to have anal sex with me. I have never done this before. When he tried it, the pressure felt good, but I feel like it’s dirty and also that it might hurt if he really put it in. I want to make him feel good, but I just don’t think I can do this. Mainly because it feels so wrong. Is there something else I can do that guys like just as much?
Thanks,
Ashley
Hey Ashley,
The only way anal sex has even a vague possibility of being enjoyed by both sides is if you are very relaxed with each other, and with the idea of what you are about to try.
Let’s hope and assume that he is interested in having anal sex with you for the right reasons – i.e. he feels relaxed with you, is happy in the relationship and wants to be as intimate with you as possible – exploring the possibility of giving you pleasure that you haven’t felt before. However, if you are not relaxed and open to the possibility that you might love it then it should not be persued.
You seem very sure that anal sex is something that you don’t feel comfortable doing. That is better than being willing to do something you are unsure about just because your boyfriend wants you to. If you went ahead with it on that basis then he would be able to tell you were feeling weird about it and there is no way either of you would find it particularly enjoyable.
In terms of your question at the end of your message – I think the question you should actually be asking is “is there something else I can do that he likes just as much?”. Every guy is different so I couldn’t possibly say what your boyfriend is into. I can only suggest asking him, and if you are too shy then try new things with him and from his body language you’ll be able to tell whether he is enjoying himself or not.
Good luck,
Cheers
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack:
Backdoor Honey – The Deadbeats
Relax – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Back Door Man – The Doors
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Help, advice, anal, backdoor, boyfriend, wants, what do I do? | 
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Posted by cheersbarnaby
November 30, 2008
dear barnaby,
This is kind of a weird question, but the other night, my boyfriend of 7 months and I were in bed and he tried to have anal sex with me. I have never done this before. When he tried it, the pressure felt good, but I feel like it’s dirty and also that it might hurt if he really put it in. I want to make him feel good, but I just don’t think I can do this. Mainly because it feels so wrong. Is there something else I can do that guys like just as much?
Thanks,
Ashley
Hey Ashley,
The only way anal sex has even a vague possibility of being enjoyed by both sides is if you are very relaxed with each other, and with the idea of what you are about to try.
Let’s hope and assume that he is interested in having anal sex with you for the right reasons – i.e. he feels relaxed with you, is happy in the relationship and wants to be as intimate with you as possible – exploring the possibility of giving you pleasure that you haven’t felt before. However, if you are not relaxed and open to the possibility that you might love it then it should not be persued.
You seem very sure that anal sex is something that you don’t feel comfortable doing. That is better than being willing to do something you are unsure about just because your boyfriend wants you to. If you went ahead with it on that basis then he would be able to tell you were feeling weird about it and there is no way either of you would find it particularly enjoyable.
In terms of your question at the end of your message – I think the question you should actually be asking is “is there something else I can do that he likes just as much?”. Every guy is different so I couldn’t possibly say what your boyfriend is into. I can only suggest asking him, and if you are too shy then try new things with him and from his body language you’ll be able to tell whether he is enjoying himself or not.
Good luck,
Cheers
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack:
Backdoor Honey – The Deadbeats
Relax – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Back Door Man – The Doors
Leave a Comment » | Help, advice, anal, backdoor, boyfriend, wants, what do I do? | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby
November 27, 2008
Dear Barnaby,
It’s Thanksgiving. I’m not sure if you relate much to this American holiday, but I hope you relate to it somehow, because it’s on this subject that I need some help. As you know, it is tradition to gather together family and loved ones and give thanks for things in our lives. It’s quite a lovely event. But every year, as we go round the Thanksgiving table, I find myself trying frantically to come up with a couple really good things to say before it’s my turn. Last year my Aunt had the whole family in tears with her thanks. I’ve always wanted to be able to do that. I took a personality test one time, and everything was pretty much off the charts, except that it said I was lacking in the appreciation department. This “give thanks” thing just stumps me every time.. I was thinking soap on a rope, Obama, and my dog Charlie, but I’d really like to hit it out of the park this year. Can you think of anything else? Something really heartwarming maybe?
Many thanks,
Jessica
Hey Jessica,
Firstly, you’re right – due to my englishness I don’t totally get thanksgiving. I think our heightened love of sarcasm means any thanks we gave would always get taken completely the wrong way.
And back to you – if the aim is to get your family in tears then this is a less enjoyable turkey-fest then I thought. Ok, so… my advice is this… give thanks for tiny little things that the people around the table have done over the years that have affected your life in a really positive way. Ideally it would be stuff so small that they’d forgotten or didn’t even realise that they’d even said or done it.
The stuff that matters means so much more when it is appreciated without a big song and dance I think. So, I will give some examples that relate to me and then maybe you can apply them to your family/friends/people…
Thanks for putting your hand on the ball of my back when I was trying to pretend that I wasn’t crying that time.
Thanks for giving me that cd when I was 12. It gave me something to believe in when I was too young to know what I liked and what I didn’t.
Thanks for showing me that laughing at myself is far more important then laughing at other people.
So, try something like that, from the heart I guess…
And if you totally disagree with me then i’d go for soap on a rope, Obama and Charlie.
Cheers,
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack;
Thank You For The Music – ABBA
Thank You – Alanis Morisette
Thank You – Dido
Leave a Comment » | Friends, family, giving, love, rope, soap, thanks | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby
November 9, 2008
Dear Barnaby,
So I’m pretty sure this guy I know likes me. Good news is, I like him as well. The only problem is he has a funny way of showing it. He constantly teases me and puts me down. Makes me the butt of jokes and picks at me. By repeatedly putting my insecurities and mistakes on blast I feel like my self esteem is suffering. I thought hitting a girl because you liked her was over in about 5th grade? Why do guys still resort to school boy antics when they are in their 20s and how do I get passed it?
Cheers to you B!
Thanks,
Patty
Hey Patty,
He definitely likes you. You’re right about that. The reason we very often resort to playground tactics is because it’s a way of getting close to you, teasing you and touching you whilst still hiding behind the security of being able to say “I was just pissing about” if it backfires and becomes clear that you don’t like us after all.
As with most things it is a result of a fear of failure, and is a basic insecurity. However, the other thing that should not be forgotten is that deep down you probably like it at least a little bit – he is paying you attention, he is challenging you, he is poking you (no, not like that) and he is doing it in a non-sleazy, non-jock way. Could be worse huh?
If he is bringing up what you see as your “insecurities and mistakes” then the chances are that he likes those things about you. If he didn’t, he most certainly wouldn’t remind himself of them in ANY way. Trust me on that one.
Cheers,
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack:
Tease Me – Chaka Demus & Pliers
Mr Amateur – Midlake
Littlest Things – Lily Allen
Leave a Comment » | fancy, insecurity, mistakes, playground, schoolboy, tease | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby
November 5, 2008
Dear Barnaby,
I hope you can help, I’m faced with the dilemma of whether to let a friend know that they have become completely up their own arse. This info would deeply bruise they’re ego but its clearly obvious that recently they’ve become deluded into thinking they are some sort of superstar. They’ve set up their own website, blog and think they’re experienced enough to advise other people on how to live their life – he even chooses them feel good songs – I would suggest that he applies to do the ‘Mellow madness’ slot on Magic fm but he’d only take it as a compliment. I’m just not sure whether he’d take the advice well or use this email as an example of how people who criticise other people on how they live their lives are deeply unhappy with theirs (a classic Trisha device) or whether, like he advertises, he’ll tell the truth.
Hoping he’s not beyond help,
Yours,
Worried from London.
Hey worried,
I feel for you. I know somebody like this myself.
I have to say though… I am worried that the reason you may have written an email of this ilk is because you are actually deeply unhappy yourself. Has that crossed your mind at all? I fear that you are doing a classic reversal technique of directing the worry and unhappiness in your own life onto a friend as opposed to facing up to your own problems. I could be wrong, although admittedly I’m yet to experience what being wrong feels like.
Maybe you should just write to him and tell him these things. It sounds like he needs to know.
Cheers,
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack:
You Oughta Know – Alanis Morisette
FURB – Frankee
It’s Because Of People Like You – Obi Best
1 Comment | arrogance, barnaby, unhappy, up own arse, wrong | Permalink
Posted by cheersbarnaby
