Help Barnaby,
I have been seeing this rad girl for a few weeks. I like her. A lot. The other night we were lying in her bed, things were getting a bit, you know, heated, so I said “have you got any condoms?” She said “Yeah, they’re in the top drawer over there”. So I went over to get them and whilst I was rooting about in the draw she shouts over “Just don’t get the ones in the gold wrapping”. Now, that moment is always nerve-wracking enough, but once she said that, the moment was well and truly gone so I asked her what the gold-wrapped condoms were but she wouldn’t tell me. She just said to come back to bed. After that my head was spinning wondering what she meant. I am confused. Does it mean she has lots of sex and they are the ones she doesn’t like? Or one friend told me that maybe the gold ones were out of date because she hadn’t had sex for so long. What do you think?
Ade.
Hey Ade,
I am going to be straight with you, and frankly, I think you already know the answer to this question but are refusing to let yourself say it out loud. So I’ll do it for you. The condoms in the gold wrappers are EXTRA LARGE condoms, specifically made for men who are well endowed. The reason she didn’t want you to get those ones is because your penis is clearly not as large as at least one person she has slept with in that bed. Sorry.
Now that the truth is out of the way, its time to think about damage limitation. Does this fact mean that you feel inadequate? Probably, but it shouldn’t. The fact remains, she likes you and she wants to have sex with you. So use this to your advantage. Contrary to what men like to tell themselves, size DOES matter to a woman. However, it only REALLY matters when a penis is far too small, and believe it or not, far too big. The chances are you that you’re somewhere around average (join the club) and therefore more than adequate to give her what she wants; that being orgasms, and lots of them. Trust me, if you were too small for her – you wouldn’t have made it to condom stage in the first place.
So, get back in there – take your own condoms and show her all of your best moves. And remember, the clitoris is at the top.
Cheers,
barnaby
My suggested soundtrack:
Sledgehammer – Peter Gabriel
2 become 1 – The Spice Girls
The Penis Song – Monty Python
